In celebration of World Day of Bullying Prevention and Anti Bullying Week, here’s a little something to consider for those who have been bullied in the past and are looking forward to moving on!
The bullying is over…
Maybe you moved class, maybe you don’t work there anymore, maybe you even moved school. The point is, being bullied is now past tense – it’s not happening anymore and now, you can relax!
Their behaviour, no matter how it happened will have made an resounding impact on you. make no mistake about it, there is always an impact. You are human after all and what the behaviour of bullying does is seek to attack, undermine, break, hurt, damage, belittle and erode bits, parts or all of you.
Here’s how to deal with it
If we don’t properly deal with it. We run the risk of carrying this pain and hurt with us into the rest of our lives, not to mention the impact it can have on our behaviour. From our research we know that lots of people who were bullied, often go onto bully others. With that in mind, let’s look at how to deal with what happened and ultimately, how to get over bullying…
Have you ever really properly shared what happened with someone you trust? It doesn’t really matter the scope of it, if you went through it – talk about it. When we don’t talk about our experiences we internalise them. That toxic negativity is detrimental to our well being. A bit like when you were younger and grazed your knee badly and got gravel in the cut. It had to be cleaned properly to stop it becoming infected. The same is true when we are bullied. Did you ever really talk about it? Is there still stuff to this day that you haven’t told anyone? If it still feels big and unresolved, talking could really help.
Was it your fault?
This is a trick question of course. It is never ever ever your fault but if your gut reaction answer to this question was yes or maybe, take this as a sign that you need to do more talking. For as long you think any part of the responsibility lies with you, you are not fully over it and need more support.
One of the biggest areas to take a direct hit when we go through bullying is our self esteem. A key part to dealing with the aftermath is working to not only grow but actively protect your self esteem. We build self esteem through doing esteem-able acts. Have a read of this article for inspiration and ideas to get you started.
A huge part of finding closure is finding acceptance for what happened. All pain lies with not being to able to accept what it is that is causing you pain. In this case it’s the bullying you just went through. Accepting what happened doesn’t mean it sucks any less but not accepting it only means more pain. We can’t change the past but if we don’t accept it, we still live in all of its pain. You deserve to not be haunted by yours.
There is no magic wand or quick fix when it comes to dealing with bullying and its impact on us as people. So please be patient with yourself. Depending on what happened the timescales vary massively. What happened was not OK and you did your best to get through it. Now you are on the other side of it, give yourself time to heal and on those days when it feels like it was yesterday go gently, talk to a mate and trust that it does get easier.
Know your worth
In today’s society we are all being fed a enormous lie. The lie has two parts, the first is that your worth is dependent on external things like the amount of followers on your profile, your relationship status, possessions, what others think of you, money, the list goes on. The second is that your worth can be taken away from you. This is impossible because your worth is 100% unconditional from the day you are born to the day you die.
Being bullied for so many of us leaves us questioning our worth or feeling robbed of it all together. Take it from us, it is still there and it actually never went anywhere, it just needs rebuilding and the only person who can truly take away your worth is you.
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